12inchpetetreat

The place where pizza comes to be written about

Let’s get more dough: More battle rappers and their favourite pizzas

None of these rappers appear in the actual feature. Sorry to be misleading.

Never say that Pete of 12 Inch Pete Treat fame does not notice what is going on in his hit count, identify reasons as to why it might be happening, and act accordingly. A couple of weeks back, we all enjoyed hearing about the favourite pizzas of some of the finest MCs from the Don’t Flop rap battle league, the likes of Sprungy, Bowski, Sigourney Phizzle and Cruger merrily informing us what they like when the time comes to be dropping some topping. And my hit count went through the roof, because Eurgh, the Don’t Flop head honcho, is a popular man and pimped it for me. Well, it’s time once again to enjoy the Midas touch of the man, because I’m going back to Don’t Flop for more. Besides, I hardly scratched the surface, and Enlish (see below) objected that I hadn’t included him. In the words of Eurgh himself, “90 seconds, let’s GO!”

Innuendo. “Doner meat, ham, tandoori chicken, pepperoni, chorizo, spicy meatballs, red onions, mushrooms, sweetcorn, green peppers and jalapenos… However, when it’s 5am and I can’t stand up I usually just say ‘throw a little bit of everything on that kidder.’ I think KFC would make good pizzas, imagine a bargain bucket on a pizza base with Zinger sauce! Wow!”

Innuendo: mates with goths

Suus. “Four cheese stuffed crust, every day. From Spain.” [Editor’s note – Suus then vanished, and neglected to explain if he got all of his pizzas from Spain, despite living, I believe, in Newcastle]

Suus: cupcakes make him angry

Unanymous. “Whichever pizza is most likely to bring on a cardiac arrest, the only stipulation being it has to have at least three meats on it and be a deep pan. WHUT!”

Unanymous: I almost printed a pic of him from a wedding but decided to play nice

Mr Cosmo. “Quatro Formaggio with extra chillis, jalapenos and fresh spinach from Basilico. I used to work there.”

Mr Cosmo: pictured here with his sister

Verb T. “The prosciutto from Strada. It’s just the most delicious foodstuff ever invented, pretty much. Its thin crust is not overly doughy, not too cheesy, but at the same time it’s not a barren tomato wasteland, and the ham is light and not greasy. Strada are dope!”

Verb T: no silly photos available at this time

Mixy. “Papa John’s is the one I reckon, bruv. Good to see you expressing your love for the pizza. I’m all about chicken, beef, pepperoni and peppers… maybe doner meat… and bacon… and maybe a bit of sweetcorn.” [Pete’s note: clearly Papa John’s don’t actually do doner meat as a topping, but THEY SHOULD]

Mixy: eyes of Satan

Ketz. “Pizza GoGo, the two medium pizzas for £8.95 offer, both of them BBQ Chicken Feast.”

Ketz: he wishes

JollyJay. “Dominos provides a decent munchy munch I guess but it’s still crap to me. The thinner the better, nothing like a good original Italian pizza which covers the entire plate because it’s too wide. Sorry it’s not exactly hilarious but it’s how I feel. Any Yank who claims Americans invented pizza must be having a laugh!”

JollyJay: throws his hands up

Tyni. “If I’m at home in the pit of Boozetown the it’s the La Cuchina Special – chorizo, Italian bacon, caramelised red onions, garlic, sweetcorn, red chillies, gorgonzola, peppers… But NEVER with the sweetcorn, failing that a Bolognese pizza fom Oregano’s or if it’s Tuesday Dominos get hit up for two Meatylicious pizzas with Double Decadence bases. That’s right, three pizzas because that’s how the Big Man gets down!”

Tyni: Much too large for me to openly mock in an open forum

Blizzard. “It’s got to be a traditional Meat Feast and it’s got to be from Dominos.”

Blizzard: punching way above his weight

TC Johnston. “Half Veggie Supreme, Half Meat Feast with loads of garlic and herb dips from Dominos, because I like meat (pause) and the Veggie Supreme kinda makes you feel like you’re being healthy at the same time because it’s got so many vegetables on it.”

TC: will definitely retweet this piece as @ceezlin, just watch, he'll do it in the next 10 minutes

Pedro. “I like Meat Feast with cheese filled crust from Pedro’s Pizza. It’s an actual pizza shop, it does exist, I’m not just making it up. It’s in Ruislip!”

Pedro: glows in the dark

Wizard. “I don’t eat pizzas. I eat KFC.” [Pete’s note: this is by far and away the best response by anybody. Better recognise]

Big Wiz: when he clap at your legs, you'll be walking like one of them special people

AND THE GRAND FINALE… IT’S BIG DAVE LO!

Enlish. Before I tell you what my favourite kind of pizza is, I would like to point out that a number of my battle rapping spars prefer a meat / sausage-based pizza, which given the events many of them attend on a regular basis, comes as little surprise to me. It also shocks me to find that many prefer Dominos, which in my humble opinion is more akin to the Fray Bentos of Italian bread-based meals, as this short video will illustrate.

Enlish: actually had the decency to provide me with a pizza-related image

Anyway, having travelled the world far and wide on pizza fact-finding missions, my personal favourite would be a vegetable pizza with a solid base of mushroom, onion and sweetcorn. Seafood comes a close second but can be hit and miss so, depending on establishment, I choose carefully. I can take or leave the meat, unlike a lot (but not all) of my compadres, who clearly like to bring the sausage party home with them or, indeed, have the hot sausage delivered to their doors.
SO NOW YOU KNOW. Thanks, as ever, to Team Don’t Flop. Next event is, I believe,in Leeds on February 5th. Be there. There will be bread.
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One Response

  1. “TC: will definitely retweet this piece as @ceezlin, just watch, he’ll do it in the next 10 minutes”

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

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